Hello penguins, and welcome to my first theorum. This contains blatant sexist beliefs, so if you are mentally demented, of a nervous disposition, a complete idiot or a woman, please leave now.
Ok, now we've sorted the men from the insane, we can start. Have you ever noticed about the effect of a machine on a woman? Some say that a woman mucks up a machine, but that is wrong! Machines, especially ones with electric parts, have a very damaging effect on women.
I can hear you all now! That's true, you all think as you remember how your mother/ sister/ gran/ auntie/ girlfriend can never operate a VCR or the microwave or the computer. Well, I can now explain this all! But first we must look at the inherent properties of a woman's mind.
The brain of a woman is such a vast topic that I could write a separate thesis on it. Basically, a woman has a very good brain. Very practical, straightforward, not too good at abstract or mathematical ideas but very sound in judgement. A great machine worker! I hear you cry. And so they should be. Indeed, back in the 1880's, they were all safely contained in factories doing harmless menial tasks. However, when this simple bit of biological matter comes into the range of an electromagnetic field, the electrons going through a woman's brain are going the opposite way to the field given off. The waves cancel each other out, thus having an adverse effect on both the machine and the brain. This leads to the usual meaningless babble from the woman and the machine 'not working'. Surely this is the same with a man? I'm afraid not, penguins! Men's brains produce an electromagnmetic field which goes the other way, reinforcing both machine and brain. the man finds the machine easy to use, and the machine does not 'go funny'.
Our first practical example is the computer. Lots and lots of electromagnetic fields everywhere, from the monitor, CPU, hard drives, etc. Obviously, this sends the woman's poor defenseless brain haywire. They start complaining and reguard the machine instinctively with suspicion. They make up lies to get other people off them. Since these are women we're qwaaking about, the lies aren't very good ones, like 'Windows is Satan'.
Our second example is power pylons. As recent research proves (and as stubborn idots with an axe to grind ignore), leiukemia and cancers are notlinked to these metal monstrosities. But look at the effect they have on women! Ever met a women who lives near one? Thet will always have one of the following characteristics:
Aha! I hear you cry. Don't all women have these problems? Well, these traits are common in both men and women, especially Technology teachers, but national research by Zana International shows that these traits are 'clustered' around pylons. So what should we do? Cut all the pylons down and find another energy source? No, that would cost too much. We all have to be patient with these poor souls so if you know some silly cow who lives near a pylon, just nod and smile. In fact, this works with most women. Qwaak!